A question I often ask executive leaders is this:

How often are you giving away your power in a given week?

Every day, leaders navigate high-stakes conversations, performance issues, strategic disagreements, difficult decisions. In those moments, you are always making a choice:
Are you responding in a way that creates future possibilities, or are you reacting in a way that shuts other people’s listening of you down?

When leaders react, they give away their power.

Reaction shows up as defensiveness, frustration, justification, blame, or non-committal language such as “I’ll try,” “maybe,” “I assumed,” or “it wasn’t my fault.” While often unintentional, these behaviors immediately reduce trust and disengage others. When people stop listening, collaboration ends. Decision quality declines. Results suffer.

Powerful leadership requires something different: responsibility.

Being responsible means choosing to respond rather than reacting, especially in difficult moments. It means owning your impact, regulating your behavior, and staying present enough to create outcomes rather than protect your position. This is the foundation of true leadership power and the key to meaningful co-creation with others.

Leaders who own their power don’t dominate conversations; they create space. They don’t react emotionally; they respond deliberately. As a result, people stay engaged, contribute openly, and move forward together.

Self-Reflection Exercise

Reflect honestly on the past week:

• When did you give away your power?
• What was happening at that moment?
• What you’ll notice is this: you did not pause before reacting.

The opportunity is simple and powerful:
Practice the Power of the Pause by taking five deep breaths and exhaling slowly and as you are breathing ask yourself this question, “Do I want to be right or effective in this moment?”